Breakup, But Don’t Break
Everyone wants to be free… In fact, needs to be free. We break off relationships, leave jobs, even change places of worship in an effort to be free. Liberty is a gift! Very few things compare with it. The flip side is that most breakups and walk-aways come with baggage… hurt… emotional trauma. Not the picture of freedom we were hoping for. Of course, there is always a time to walk away, some people heal best once they do… The secret is not to allow our hearts to break when we breakup.
Once we rip ourselves away from anyone or anything we love, there is never a nice clean incision, there is a tearing, a jagged messy wound that requires treatment and healing before we can really move forward. Most of us don’t even take the time required to fix the mess, so we gather baggage on top of baggage… We’re overloaded, but we appear normal. Whatever that is.
I have discovered that the greatest liberty comes when we breakup, without heartbreak. What is it that really breaks our heart with a break up?
- It’s the struggle to accept that since fragile flesh interacts with fragile flesh, we will fail each other.
- It’s the absurd thought that we could actually have contributed to any of it.
- It’s that voice in our heads that says, “I’m too good to deserve this…” “How could they do this to me?” Or in the case of the insecure, (born out of some self-realization and self-abhorring bondage), the voice that says… “It all happened because I am not good enough!”
Either way, whenever we process the breakup like this… It hurts… It really cuts deep, because “the Me”, the part of us that we bravely permitted to be exposed to another, has been disappointed, rejected or scorned. We are really angry at ourselves for taking the chance, and “the Me” silently whispers, “It won’t happen again’. Then in the “realm of emotion” there is a loud cracking sound… Something snapped… It’s the cracking sound of a heart that just broke. We opened the gateway to life imprisonment.
How do we guard our hearts when we feel it necessary to breakup?
- We need to remember that we have been hurt by one as fragile as we are… Even if they appear to be superhuman because they hold that superior position in life…. even in the Church. When the people were stoning Stephen in the Acts of the Apostles… He spoke these words that are the most liberating “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge”. Don’t charge them for this wrong… Let them go free Lord… As we set them free because of their fragility, we walk in liberty.
- Ask yourself, “Is there anyone or anything more valuable than a ‘whole heart’? A heart that can function the way it was designed to… To pump life to the rest of your being… To keep you connected with your Heavenly Father. If we can answer “No, nothing is more valuable”… Then we need to be able to say “I will not lock off my heart, I will be free to love again”.
- Ask yourself, “Is anyone worth more than your “Peace”? Don’t lose your peace because another frail human being didn’t receive you the way you know God receives you. Walk in the liberty of God’s love. His love does not waver. Let His love be the anchor for your heart and you peace.
- Isolate the situation that caused the hurt…. Quarantine it so that it does not infect the rest of your interactions. One person is not the world and should not be allowed to define every other we meet. Everyone else deserves a fair chance to know the awesome you.
- Examine the situation and extract every drop of learning that can be achieved from it. Seize the opportunity to be better than you were before the encounter. It’s a gift!
- Never walk away, until you can look the other person in their eyes without feeling that piercing jolt, because in your heart you accept that God knows best. He allowed this. It will work for your good.
- In fact… Do just that… Lift up your heart to the Father and speak the words aloud… “Father, you know best”
Scripture says that we have a calling… It is a call to freedom. A call to breakup without breaking…
Galatians 5:13Amplified Bible (AMP)
13 For you, brethren, were [indeed] called to freedom;
There is no limit to what we can do with this freedom in Christ, but then the scripture says something interesting…
13 …only [do not let your] freedom be an incentive to your flesh and an opportunity or excuse [for [a]selfishness]…
Don’t use this great power of freedom for yourself… Don’t be selfish…
13 …but through love you should serve one another.
The more we love and serve each other… no matter how unlovable we may seem… the more we preserve our freedom. The freer we are.
So don’t allow necessary break ups to steal your freedom. Walk away, but stay free!